may 20 2023, saturday
3:56pm

i keep scratching my gums till it bleeds i wonder what's everyone been doing im so sick in the head i cant feel anything then cry for no reason the sadness rushes through my body so i watch porn to get away from it i dont rlly feel anything then so i watch some more sad slideshow then i watch porn again i forgot i dont eat a lot my bmi is 16 no i dont masturbate ew tht shits disgusting sorry lol i hv sex aversion disorder due to some bad moments happening in my life weird right? imagine watchig porn but dont masturbate but also hv sex aversion disorder lmao idont know anymoer

4:30pm

i just wanna say you guys literally can read this diary but if i write anything concerning dont ever come to me and ask anything bout this diary okay
anyways if i ever have a partner i would definitely fuck him only if he rlly wants me to and i hv the rights to ignore your plead*thumbs up* yes im a faggot stfu btw i just showered and i didnt realized i was brushingd my teeth so hard blood was everywhere im okay though it feels great i hv some gum infections now
im starting to think making html public diary is fun lmao literally i can write anything dumb here

may 21 2023, sunday
10:11am

had fun last night, widuri, aize, fran all together we play roblox lmaooo fun it was fun
i went to bed then be on phone till around 1:30am then i fell asleep like an hour after. however, i keep waking up and stay awake for 10-15 minutes before i doze off again. im on 3 hours sleep i think it's getting worser i also hallucinates more
i feel so upset and i had almost 2 hours breakdown at 7am i feel upset cuz someone said something tht indicates tht she thinks im neurotypical like a happy person. she was venting to me im alright w tht but man i dont think u appreciate me you are completely normal istg there r bad moments in our life n u said u arent suicidal lmao so dont fucking say retard you fucking retard u r not sick. maybe a little sick but how could you thought tht im completely normal

10:34am

im still crying, no it's my fault for letting ppl vent to me anytime and it will not be change im happy when ppl talk to me even if they r venting i feel so alone. the thing is im not upset cuz of the vent im upset cuz i know from the start tht you dont appreciate me but i still talk to you im upset cuz u think im not sick im upset cuz you r saying shits comparing your problems w mine

2:35pm

i took 1 hour nap thought im gonna help myself not feel sleepy cuz im on 3 hours sleep right but bro i just woke up n i feel like im a bout to shut down rn everythign feels so heavy my stomach feels weird
im also still thinking about wht happened. probbly i feel sick rn cuz ihad 2 hours breakdown so yeah
lets play roblox im bored

3:08pm

id otn think im alright right now im breaking down over small things i think this is wht ppl call 'survival mode'? i got angry at my mom for letting a guest into our room just now i dont wnna get out of this room. i get annoyed over small things now. pls let this end quickly so tht i dont feel more miserable than i already do everyday

4:54pm

me and her is alright now she replied to me alright hehee i rlly love my friend yeah shes not suicidal n might be neurotypical person and thts alrigthhh my mind was the one spiraling i apologize for venting to u while u were venting im rlly sorry alright well however my head still feel like spinnimg
i forgot to drink water its been hours since i woke up dude im dehydrated and also i think my blud pressure is dropping i also forgot to eat n shower

may 22 2023, monday
11:50pm

im alright today cried multiple times but like only for a few minutes, liek for fun or uh idk
i started watching breaking bad sofar so good im on ep 4 ok thst all today nothing much going on